• We have only a few years to live out our adventures. We want to experience all the fun possible.
  • We pursue friendships.
  • We pursue good jobs and money.
  • We pursue good food and pleasure.
  • We pursue extreme sports and life on the edge.
• Finally, we come to the end of ourselves and give our life to Jesus.
• We think the fun is over, but everything we tried did not turn out as we hoped.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him (ESV, John 12:24-26).

Suggestions for Walking With God

Genesis 2:4-25 is a poem with chiasmus, with an important concept inserted near the end.

A – God observed the chaotic state of the world (vv. 4-6).
     B – God made man (vv. 7-8).
          C – God created an abundant, verdant environment (vv. 9-24).
               D – God gave man work to do (v. 15).
                    E – God gave instructions and explained consequences (vv. 16-17).
               D – God watched the man work (vv.18-19).
          C – God discovered that something is lacking in creation (v. 20).
     B – God created a woman (vv. 21-22).
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).
A – All of creation is in harmony (vv. 23-25).

Right near the end of this magnificent poetic creation story is a verse that doesn’t really fit the flow of the story. There were no children yet, but one line speaks about children.

Children eventually leave the authority of their parents to enter into a mature personal relationship with God.

How do we walk and mature in God on this earth?

Level 1. Start with yourself

Your goal, according to Jesus’ first sermon in Matthew 5-7, is to learn to live an untriggered life. This means we are to learn to control our anger, pride, need to be right, etc. We do not have control over the responses of others, but we can learn to control our responses. We can grow in spiritual maturity. When people around us act in ways that do not make sense or are painful we learn how to respond as spiritually bigger people, with humility, generosity, nonjudgment, and a desire to help others grow in God if they are ready. We learn how to follow the Holy Spirit along the narrow trail with slippery slopes past the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, so we can rest under the Tree of Life.

Level 2. Your Nuclear Family

Our second level of influence and our personalized training center is our immediate family. Our children and those who live with us are our disciples who watch how we go through life, how we interact with the world, and how the world interacts with us.

Level 3. Your Extended Family

Many (most?) extended families have people who are cut off. Families always include crazy uncles or dysfunctional people. Others likely think we are those people, but we remain family. These are our people! We were all created in the image of God. Everything people do make sense to them at the time. Family members have connections with each other that far exceed connections with strangers. Cut-off only works if everyone agrees that “We don’t talk to each other.” But if only one side agrees, the others may respect that for a while but still send an occasional birthday gift or a short non-emotionally-charged email about a good memory together. Things change. People change. Surprising results come from sincere prayer and a lifelong quest to mature as people who walk with God, no matter what the cost.

Level 4. Your Church Family, Friends, Neighbors, Strangers, People at Work and School…

We continually practice how powerfully and consistently we can exude the fruit of the Spirit with people who think differently than we do.

We spend time in the secret place with God each morning, in that place where Jesus is King.

We leave the garden after our morning time with God to expand His Kingdom in a chaotic world, leaving pockets of peace and well-being in our wake with the mantra “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matt. 6:10). 

“The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, [and] self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23a).

Your thoughts?

Olivia and Zack’s wedding was the perfect combination of a solemn celebration completely saturated with joy and joyful expectations!

Thank you, Lord Jesus.

Deanna, Bella (married to Tim who is standing next to his new brother), Anni, Via, Zack, Tim, Emma, Rick.

The Thursday and Friday before Via’s wedding, we got what the weather forecasters called “An atmospheric river.” It used to be called heavy rain. The forecast was for 100mm (4 in.) of rain. Saturday morning, though, the day of Via’s wedding, the sunrise showed through over Mt Baker, and we had perfect weather all day.

That great feeling of a perfect wedding after days/weeks/months of preparation, and the married couple safely off on their honeymoon.

Deanna said good-bye to her parents, once again. Harold and Joan were significant partners in starting the mission and churches here in Northern Brazil.

Jim and Vicky were also key partners in the early years of the Xingu Mission. They are still sharp in their thinking, and we are always grateful for each encounter. “May these be good years for them, Lord, and may they sense Your pleasure and presence.”

Anna, Micah, Jonathan, and Henry

My brother Henry is now a grandfather. Jonathan and Anna drove down from upcountry to attend Via and Zack’s wedding. 

A cicada watches us through our kitchen window. Since we live in the tropics, many of our windows have screens but not glass.

Have a great week,

So… what are your thoughts about church or difficult relationships?

Rick and Deanna.

Some of Deanna’s many favorite people.

The great family that took care of our house while we traveled.

We had a huge baked-potato feast. I roasted them for two hours by the fire and they were moist and soft as marshmallows inside their skins.

Many of the ladies helped Deanna with the supper prep.

Isis saved one baked potato to eat later at home.

I am convinced the best way to break generational chains of poverty and brokenness is to plant community churches as safe places where people can be encouraged by others who are learning to walk with God. I love planting churches and training leaders. But Covid shook things up, and some people are rethinking their church groups.

I am curious about why you go or why you quit going to church.

1. If we go to church for world-class Christian teaching, we may be better off going online.

2. If we go to church for world-class worship, we can watch YouTube.

3. If we go to church to pool our charitable donations with others to significantly impact our communities or unreached people, you can find online options ideally suited to your preferences.

4. I think we go to church to see our people. These are the folks with whom we are going to heaven. I think the best part of church is the 15 minutes before and after the service when we interact.

Who are My People?

One friend told me a story of a person who left their church for a megachurch of another denomination. I think the big church had better teaching. When that person died many years later, the funeral was held at the megachurch, but the participants were almost all from the person’s church of origin. My friend told me, “You know who your people are by watching who attends your funeral.”  

Thoughts About Switching Churches

1. There are many good and proactive reasons to join or plant a church. For example, maybe a new church is closer to your home. It will be easier for your children and neighbors to get involved. Perhaps God clearly spoke to you to join another church or to plant a church. Maybe you moved, and you are looking for a church. Perhaps you just got married and are looking for a congregation where you can establish your new identity.

2. Be careful about reactively leaving your church community. I know some people who leave because of their pastor or some people in their church. They think a fresh start will bring relief. The problem is that we bring our personalities with us wherever we go. Jesus, in His mercy, will connect you with the same kind of people so you can keep working on your issues in the new group. They might even be more exaggerated. God’s mercy helps us keep working on our character. God’s curse is when He quits getting involved.

For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way (Heb. 12:10-11).

Difficult Relationships

Difficult people present opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth. Jesus had some ideas about this.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matt. 18:15-17).

I used to think verse 15 meant either ignoring difficult people or doing your best to humbly and firmly get complicated people to see things your way. If I needed more clout, I could bring my friends. That rarely worked. It felt adversarial.

Now I see it like this. If someone does something crazy against me, or if I get triggered somehow, I am learning to react curiously and non judgementally. “What just happened?” “Why did you just do or say that?” 

I do not try to

Pursue Sameness
Distance or Avoid
Triangle in a Third Person / Ally
Give up My Responsibility
Try to Rescue or Fix the other.

(Brown, 2019, p. 114).

If something crazy happens, I treat it like an anomaly, like a speed bump on the road. As soon as possible, I find a reason to sit by the person or ask a favor, to pretend nothing happened. That situation might have to get sorted out, but the relationship is not on the table. I do not label them as “those kinds of people” in a derogatory way, but rather treat them “As someone created in the image of God. We live in a broken world. I’m not sure what happened there, but we’ll get past it.”

If I am not well received and it will be helpful, I might ask someone we both respect to help us overcome a difficulty. If I am in an emotionally triggered state, I have never found it helpful to try to work things out, even with a third party. Emotions are contagious, and situations quickly escalate. If, however, I am full of the Holy Spirit, nonjudgmental, calm, and hopeful, that is contagious too. Unless you get overpowered and triggered emotionally by the other, then it is time to go back to your prayer closet or your mentor and learn how to grow spiritually stronger.

Final Thoughts

My mom was a member of the same church for 74 years. Her family joined the church when she was 15. The church was one-year-old. When Mom was 26, her brother, Art, brought a logging friend to Sunday School. Mom married the logging friend, and together they were members until they died in their late 80s. She reminds me of Daniel. The kings came and went, and Daniel faithfully served God by serving his people.

Remember that if you leave your church because of a complicated pastor or problematic relationship, you also leave all your other people. Groups of people function like systems. We all play an essential role, and your church system changes when you are no longer present.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left” (Heb. 10:24-26).

What are your thoughts about leaving or switching churches?

References

Brown, J. (2019). Church unity and anxious togetherness forces. In J. Brown & L. Errington (Eds.). Bowen family systems theory in Christian ministry: Grappling with theory and its application through a biblical lens (106-122). The Family Systems Practice.