Which one are you?

Now which one are you?

Our townhouse is more than just a home; it’s a divine gift to our family. Despite being missionary kids, our daughters always have a home to return to. They lived here together, started their relationships from here, and three left to begin their married lives and families. We are so grateful to God for this refuge.

Chuck and Bobbie were missionaries for five years when we began our journey, and they are still going strong over 36 years later. They are our heroes because you can see from their faces how they are not burned out. They still love God and people.

The Browns have invited our family for about ten years for Christmas. Roasting meat over an open fire while catching up is a tradition.

With a God who can create this out of sunshine, dust, and water and Who desires relationship with us, the only thing we have to worry about is worry itself, because worry is the opposite of faith.

The Bible’s story, from page one on, is about how God wants to bless people and have a relationship with them, but people struggle to believe in God. People frequently take matters into their own hands, with disastrous results. Thankfully, we have a patient God who keeps bailing us out again. Our primary task, then, is believing God and trusting Him.

Think of Abraham, and how many times he took matters into his own hands, until he finally learned to trust God completely.

“Yet he [Abraham] did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised” (Ro 4:20-21).

I found some crab apples on my early morning walk.

The sunrise behind our house, over Mt Baker in the USA.

At Regent University, one of my assignments was to conduct a twelve-page textual study on any pericope—a complete story or section—in the Bible. I chose Genesis 2:4-25.

In my study, I concluded that it’s crucial for children to leave their parents’ homes and form a unified bond with their spouse and God because the author inserted it into his masterpiece poem because they prioritized the idea by including it in the foundation story.

The idea is that God’s original plan is for children to leave their parents’ authority to develop a direct and whole relationship with God.

Interestingly, the same author who conveyed this message also wrote the Ten Commandments, which include the directive to honor your father and mother.

This duality highlights a delicate balance on the path to God: on one side, some never truly break free from the idea of parental control; on the other, some fail to maintain respect and honor for their parents.

Parents’ responsibility from the birth of their child until they mature enough to leave home is to guide them into becoming responsible adults.

How can you use this Christmas season, with its increased family activities, and this New Year’s season, when many people set goals, to work on your family relationships?

Remember, baby steps.
 

My Personal Experience

I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that my parents did their best to

a) love God and obey the Bible
b) love me and prepare me to leave home as an adult.

We both made efforts but developing my own faith was a challenging journey filled with bumps and suffering, hard on our relationship. One helpful thing Dad and Mom did was always welcome me home when I visited. Over a decade after I left home, I sensed God suggesting I leave my high-paying job on those remote northern Canadian islands to move home to reestablish my relationship with my parents. I took a job with the 115 Operating Engineers Union, working alongside my dad at a large paving company. During this time, I saw my dad in a new light, realizing how truly outstanding he was as a leader and as a person.

I lived with my parents until I got married one year later, and I was near them for the next two years until we moved to Brazil. They generously helped us with a down payment on our first house. My dad and mom always tried their hardest to be good parents. However, Dad laughed and was less guarded around others. For example, when his brother came to visit from Manitoba, they would laugh and talk for days. As I reflect on our relationship, Dad was always friendly and attentive to me but more like a loving parent than a peer.
 

Church Families Too

We often refer to our church planting work in Brazil with family language. Daughter churches also need to leave the authority of their mother church to become peers with them, relating maturely to God and the larger body. It is challenging for some church leaders to balance providing too much oversight and not enough. If not handled correctly, the transition season may lead to relational difficulties. Healthy churches that relate as peers often thrive together.

Thin and Thick Places

Changing a relational system is no easy task. It’s a delicate process, much like childbirth. While the baby thrives in the safety of the womb, the transition to the outside world is necessary but fraught with risks. Ultimately, the goal is for both mother and baby to be healthy, moving from a fragile state to a more stable, albeit still cautious, one.

Similarly, transforming your relationship with your adult children to create a safe space for open discussion is equally complex. If they don’t feel comfortable discussing their ideas with you, they will turn to others.

A Few Ideas

• As your children grow older, focus on asking open-ended questions instead of immediately sharing your opinions.
• Make an effort to truly listen to your children and, when appropriate, share your thoughts or beliefs. Finding the balance between listening to others and defining yourself is an art that is exponentially more challenging with family members.
• Bible.com offers an app where you can participate in a Bible reading program together. Everyone can share a question, highlight, or thought from that day’s reading. Instead of defining its meaning, consider asking genuine, thoughtful questions during your turn.
• Having friends or family members with whom you can engage in meaningful conversations is a wonderful gift, and not as common as we might hope or think.

I hope these suggestions inspire your thinking about nurturing your family relationships.

Summary

Christmas and New Year may provide unique opportunities to nourish your family relationships.

What works for you to move from the thin places of not knowing how to relate, toward the thicker places of healthy mature relationships?

Can you move past the parent/child hierarchies toward more of a “first-among-equals” servant-leader mutually respectful friendship?

Our third grandchild arrived!

Zack, Ellis Ritchard, and Olivia

The day of the birth the girls had planned to watch their first Christmas movie together. They got partway through the movie.

Tim, Bella, the twins, Anni, Zack’s mom Cindy, Deanna, and I moved in a long procession through the hushed hospital halls, trekking back and forth from the delivery room to the waiting room four floors and many long hallways away, from late at night to the early hours of the next day. Later that morning one of the nurses told Olivia and Zack, “I was supposed to explain to you the importance of a good support system once you leave the hospital, but from what we’ve observed, you won’t need that talk.”

Ellis Ritchard Whitton, our third grandchild, arrived on November 28.

In the cradle of trust, hope finds its wings,
Babies show the reality of heavenly things.
We are the stewards in God’s gentle embrace,
To show them God’s Garden, His sacred space.

In this world, disciples rise and strive,
In good times and bad, faith is alive.
As blessings bloom, we guard our souls,
Neither worry nor strife will take its toll.

When shadows fall and times are tough,
God’s children develop roots enough,
To find the water from the River of Life,
To sustain their spirits through every strife.

God’s Spirit creates heroes of the faith,
Bold and free from sin’s disgrace
For His children to grow and engage,
God’s created design is the perfect stage.

A message of hope, a light to share,
To the ends of the earth, we declare,
That each soul holds indescribable worth,
Reflections of heaven here on earth.

The Christmas celebration season is underway!

“Today is a good day to have a good day!”

My sister Marlene and Deanna are getting ready for Christmas.

But now faith, hope, and love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love (1 Co 13:13).

Why are the leaves farthest from the roots and the closest to the sun the most resilient?

“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen…” (Ro. 1:20a).

I spent years in isolated Yukon highway camps, some of the most remote places on earth. In those years, I was often the only confessing Christian.

I am incredibly grateful for those years of preparation because, through that self-imposed exile, I learned to deepen my spiritual roots in the River of Life.

As Christmas draws near, loneliness can intensify, as the season often highlights togetherness and community. If you feel isolated this Christmas, consider it an invitation from God to draw closer to Him. Remember Moses, who found strength and purpose in the solitude of the desert. May your season of solitude, if that is where you are, be a precious opportunity to deepen your relationship with Him and prepare you for the next chapter of your life.

Consider the leaves that are the farthest from the roots and the closest to the sun.