The Thursday and Friday before Via’s wedding, we got what the weather forecasters called “An atmospheric river.” It used to be called heavy rain. The forecast was for 100mm (4 in.) of rain. Saturday morning, though, the day of Via’s wedding, the sunrise showed through over Mt Baker, and we had perfect weather all day.

That great feeling of a perfect wedding after days/weeks/months of preparation, and the married couple safely off on their honeymoon.

Deanna said good-bye to her parents, once again. Harold and Joan were significant partners in starting the mission and churches here in Northern Brazil.

Jim and Vicky were also key partners in the early years of the Xingu Mission. They are still sharp in their thinking, and we are always grateful for each encounter. “May these be good years for them, Lord, and may they sense Your pleasure and presence.”

Anna, Micah, Jonathan, and Henry

My brother Henry is now a grandfather. Jonathan and Anna drove down from upcountry to attend Via and Zack’s wedding. 

A cicada watches us through our kitchen window. Since we live in the tropics, many of our windows have screens but not glass.

Have a great week,

So… what are your thoughts about church or difficult relationships?

Rick and Deanna.

Some of Deanna’s many favorite people.

The great family that took care of our house while we traveled.

We had a huge baked-potato feast. I roasted them for two hours by the fire and they were moist and soft as marshmallows inside their skins.

Many of the ladies helped Deanna with the supper prep.

Isis saved one baked potato to eat later at home.

I am convinced the best way to break generational chains of poverty and brokenness is to plant community churches as safe places where people can be encouraged by others who are learning to walk with God. I love planting churches and training leaders. But Covid shook things up, and some people are rethinking their church groups.

I am curious about why you go or why you quit going to church.

1. If we go to church for world-class Christian teaching, we may be better off going online.

2. If we go to church for world-class worship, we can watch YouTube.

3. If we go to church to pool our charitable donations with others to significantly impact our communities or unreached people, you can find online options ideally suited to your preferences.

4. I think we go to church to see our people. These are the folks with whom we are going to heaven. I think the best part of church is the 15 minutes before and after the service when we interact.

Who are My People?

One friend told me a story of a person who left their church for a megachurch of another denomination. I think the big church had better teaching. When that person died many years later, the funeral was held at the megachurch, but the participants were almost all from the person’s church of origin. My friend told me, “You know who your people are by watching who attends your funeral.”  

Thoughts About Switching Churches

1. There are many good and proactive reasons to join or plant a church. For example, maybe a new church is closer to your home. It will be easier for your children and neighbors to get involved. Perhaps God clearly spoke to you to join another church or to plant a church. Maybe you moved, and you are looking for a church. Perhaps you just got married and are looking for a congregation where you can establish your new identity.

2. Be careful about reactively leaving your church community. I know some people who leave because of their pastor or some people in their church. They think a fresh start will bring relief. The problem is that we bring our personalities with us wherever we go. Jesus, in His mercy, will connect you with the same kind of people so you can keep working on your issues in the new group. They might even be more exaggerated. God’s mercy helps us keep working on our character. God’s curse is when He quits getting involved.

For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way (Heb. 12:10-11).

Difficult Relationships

Difficult people present opportunities for emotional and spiritual growth. Jesus had some ideas about this.

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matt. 18:15-17).

I used to think verse 15 meant either ignoring difficult people or doing your best to humbly and firmly get complicated people to see things your way. If I needed more clout, I could bring my friends. That rarely worked. It felt adversarial.

Now I see it like this. If someone does something crazy against me, or if I get triggered somehow, I am learning to react curiously and non judgementally. “What just happened?” “Why did you just do or say that?” 

I do not try to

Pursue Sameness
Distance or Avoid
Triangle in a Third Person / Ally
Give up My Responsibility
Try to Rescue or Fix the other.

(Brown, 2019, p. 114).

If something crazy happens, I treat it like an anomaly, like a speed bump on the road. As soon as possible, I find a reason to sit by the person or ask a favor, to pretend nothing happened. That situation might have to get sorted out, but the relationship is not on the table. I do not label them as “those kinds of people” in a derogatory way, but rather treat them “As someone created in the image of God. We live in a broken world. I’m not sure what happened there, but we’ll get past it.”

If I am not well received and it will be helpful, I might ask someone we both respect to help us overcome a difficulty. If I am in an emotionally triggered state, I have never found it helpful to try to work things out, even with a third party. Emotions are contagious, and situations quickly escalate. If, however, I am full of the Holy Spirit, nonjudgmental, calm, and hopeful, that is contagious too. Unless you get overpowered and triggered emotionally by the other, then it is time to go back to your prayer closet or your mentor and learn how to grow spiritually stronger.

Final Thoughts

My mom was a member of the same church for 74 years. Her family joined the church when she was 15. The church was one-year-old. When Mom was 26, her brother, Art, brought a logging friend to Sunday School. Mom married the logging friend, and together they were members until they died in their late 80s. She reminds me of Daniel. The kings came and went, and Daniel faithfully served God by serving his people.

Remember that if you leave your church because of a complicated pastor or problematic relationship, you also leave all your other people. Groups of people function like systems. We all play an essential role, and your church system changes when you are no longer present.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left” (Heb. 10:24-26).

What are your thoughts about leaving or switching churches?

References

Brown, J. (2019). Church unity and anxious togetherness forces. In J. Brown & L. Errington (Eds.). Bowen family systems theory in Christian ministry: Grappling with theory and its application through a biblical lens (106-122). The Family Systems Practice.

Much of the Old Testament was written by prophets and scribes on the fringe of the main population. Many Old Testament books are like a minority report.Tim Mackie – The Bible Project I am studying a book called Leadership in Organizations. The authors outline five ways organizational leaders have the power to influence others.

1. Legitimate Power – When a person is assigned positional, formal authority.
2. Reward Power – When a person can provide something that others want.
3. Coercive Power – When a leader can punish someone, possibly by withholding a blessing.
4. Referent Power – When people really admire and want to identify with a leader.
5. Expert Power – Gained by gifting, life experience, wisdom, and knowledge.

This also applies to the general public.

For example, babies soon learn to use (3) Coercive Power to influence their parents or caretakers. They cry if they do not get what they want. They also use (4) Reward Power. They will stop crying as a reward to those who please them. They might even smile.

Servant Leadership

Obviously, babies know nothing about servant leadership. They have much to learn before they can use (5) Expert Power. Yet God expects (5) Expert Power from His leaders. Principally He is looking for those who understand and are willing to be Servant Leaders, with the larger goal of helping their people connect with Jesus. Sometimes this dropping an argument, not being right. Sometimes this means having difficult conversations, not knowing what the outcomes will be. Sometimes this means not talking. Mature Servant Leaders have a sense of their role in each situation. Jesus’ life is an example of what He was talking about.

Jesus called them aside and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their superiors exercise authority over them. It shall not be this way among you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:25-28).

Christian Leaders 2.0: Influencing others because I am experiencing Jesus’ presence is a type of (5) Expert Power. I have often tried to use the first four types of power to influence others to advance God’s Kingdom. Jesus struggled with the Pharisee’s use of the first four types of power because it is possible to get off track with Legitimate, Reward, Coercive, and Referent Power. We hope that experiencing Jesus’ presence and helping others through the power of the Holy Spirit will be a driving motivation for a generation of church planters. They become Experts because they know Jesus personally. Imagine the Kingdom of God expanding through the Amazon, the USA, Canada, and worldwide because ordinary people experience God in life-changing ways that attract attention.

But He said to them, . . . “you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; you shall be My witnesses both in Jerusalem and in all Judea, and Samaria, and as far as the remotest part of the earth.” (Acts 1:8).

1. Think of people you would like to influence toward God.
2. What combination of power are you using?
3. How is that working?
4. Can you think of a better way to influence your friends or family?
5. Have you asked Jesus about this?

Your thoughts?References
 Yukl, G. A., & Gardner III, W. L. (2020). Leadership in organizations (9th ed.). Pearson.

We are hosting an event on our chacará (acreage) this weekend.

The theme is to slow down enough to experience God. 

We do this by teaching and then practicing:

• Emmanuel Prayer
  • Since the Name Emmanuel means “God with us,” and since Jesus said He would be with us until the end of the age, we pray to experience Jesus’ presence now.
  • “’Behold, the virgin will conceive and give birth to a Son, and they shall name Him Immanuel,’ which translated means, ‘God with us.’” (Matthew 1:23).
  • And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. . . . I am with you always, to the end of the age’” (Matthew 28:18-20).

• Centering Prayer
  • One main point of Jesus’ death and resurrection was to give everyone access to God.
  • And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and gave up His spirit. And behold, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. (Matthew 27:50-51a).
  • In Centering Prayer, we practice sitting quietly with God. As our brain works in the background resolving many issues for us, we keep bringing it back to our time with God.

One participating pastor said, “I came here thinking I need to learn how to do this so I can teach our church. Now I realize I need to put these practices into my daily life. This is for me personally.”

We hope that as people experience God, they will become lights to attract their people to God.

A few days ago we got an unexpected email from a friend. We rarely receive emails like this, and I pass the encouragement on to you.

Hi you guys – I was praying for you yesterday while walking on the trail nearby and I got a picture that I want to share with you.  It started with a spider web – just one ‘string’ of a web which was easily walked through or brushed aside without any bother. But then the web grew and grew and became thick like a very sturdy fishing net that was thrown in the water and brought in a huge catch of fish. . . 

Daide and the dentist team, along with Steve and Elba, Clenildo and Angelita, and others, opened a dental outreach clinic outside of Santarem. As locals wait to be treated Clenildo and Inilson, the Vineyard pastor in Santarem, introduced the clients to Discovery Bible Studies. (Clenildo is wearing the blue hat).

Inilson, the Vineyard pastor in Santarém, grew up in this region. The dental clinic is on his property, on the shores of the Tapajós River, a tributary to the Amazon River. 

The Tapajós River is about 17 km wide where the dental clinic is located.

You may send donations to us through

• Xtreme Mercy Canada,

• City Life Church in Canada (Designate Bergens in Brazil)

• International Christian Mission Services (ICMS) in the USA.

For more information please email rick.bergen@xtrememercy.com.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvellous light; for you once were not a people, but now you are the people of God; you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy (1 Peter 2:9-10).

As we are ambassadors for Christ, advancing God’s Kingdom worldwide, how do we influence others?

And how do those around us experience our influence?

Personal and Positional Power

Yukl and Gardner (2020) described the kinds of power people exert over others.

• Legitimate Power – When a person is assigned positional, formal authority.
• Reward Power – When a person can provide something that others want.
• Coercive Power – When a leader can punish someone, possibly by withholding a blessing.
• Referent Power – When people really admire and want to identify with a leader.
• Expert Power – Gained by natural gifting, life experience, wisdom, and knowledge.

Jesus uses all these kinds of power in the last chapter in the Bible, in Revelation 22.

• He is seated at the right hand of God.

• He offers tickets to get through the gate and into the heavenly city.

• He explains the punishment for not taking His offer.

• He is a beloved King, and the more people know Him, the more they will do anything to identify with Him.

• And Jesus is the all-time expert, the creator of everything.
  
  The problem comes in when people use power at the wrong time, or in the wrong way.

Maturity vs. Immaturity

But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:25-28).

Practically Speaking

Everyone is in some position of influence in their circles of family and friends. Many people have influence over small children, elderly parents, or both. How do we best influence people who are really different from us?

My brother is two years younger than me, and my sister is seven years younger than me. While I lived at home as a child, I related more to my brother. As a young adult, I worked on construction and road crews in Northern Canada when I left home. I was comfortable in the rough, mostly male camps. Then God gave me a wife and four daughters. It was a whole new world. Dr. Tim Kubacki, who is now a missionary in Angola, gave me some good advice. “Regularly go out for breakfast or ice cream with each daughter individually. Develop a personal friendship with each child.”

“What would we talk about?”

Tim taught me a power question.

“I’ve never been a 14-year-old girl. What is it like?”

Then let silence do its work. When the pressure is high enough, the other person will talk.

You may adapt Tim’s question for elderly parents, strangers at the bus depot, or even your pastor if you sense they need a friend and might consider you a peer.

Many people do not like talking with others who are different than them because they don’t know what to say.

Use the question. “I’ve never been . . . What is it like?” Or, “What is going on in your world?” The idea here is to go into the conversation with curiosity and the right open-ended question or two. It takes courage and discipline, but you can learn this.

Hopefully, when the relationship is strong enough, you will sense permission to share your experiences with God. Sharing your testimony is really important for you personally and for the other person.

Learn when to listen and learn when to talk.

Your thoughts?

When we were in Santarém, Edna invited us for a special meal of fish, pork, and salad. Edna recounted the following story.

A few years Edna and Angelita travelled over 2,000 kilometres to a distant city, Fortaleza, to visit an elderly aunt. They thought their sister, one of the non-identical twins, lived in that city of 2.5 million people, but they didn’t have any other details. One day they were on a crowded city bus, on their way home from sight-seeing. Because the bus was packed, Edna and Angelita were not close together. It was pouring rain outside. Somehow Edna sensed God saying, “Turn around. That is your sister behind you.” They did not know what their sister looked like. Edna tried to ignore the voice because Angelita is a pastor, not Edna. She thought if this was God, He should talk to Angelita. But the thought was persistent, so finally, she timidly asked the lady, “Is your mother’s name Isabel?”

“Yes.”

“Is your name Lindalva?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I am your sister.”

It turned out that Lindalva was coming home from work. She was supposed to get off at the last stop, but since it was pouring rain out, she decided to ride the bus all the way around the circuit and get off the next time around. City buses run in large circular routes in Brazilian cities.

This was a great gift from God to Edna, Angelita, and their whole family.

Lindete (in this photo with Deanna) is Lindalva’s non-identical-twin sister. Lindete was at the lunch meal with us. She had just arrived from another faraway city, Palmas, to spend time with her sisters.