A Seasonal Challenge

1. Christmas is a great time to call or message someone and wish them well.
2. Look especially for relatives or old acquaintances with whom you sense and emotional cut-off. Many of us have a family history of cut-offs. If you see this trend in your life, especially in your family, work on reversing it. Roberta Gilbert noted that “cutoff is so prevalent among us that America has been called “a nation of cutoffs.’ That has to do with the large number of immigrants living in this country and the high incidence of cutoff present in immigration in general” (2018, p. 53). Cutoffs are prevalent among people in Canada and Brazil as well.
3. Use this Christmas season to bless people.
   • “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” (Luke 2:14).

Build Deeper Friendships.

1. Deeper friendships require deeper conversations.
2. Try to have conversations with people that are not shallow and not about someone else, not gossip. This is surprisingly difficult.

• A person-to-person relationship is conceived as an ideal in which two people can communicate freely about the full range of personal issues between them. Most people cannot tolerate more than a few minutes on a personal level. When either party becomes anxious, he begins talking about a third person (triangles in another person), or the communication becomes impersonal and they talk about things.

(Bowen, M., 1993, p. 499)

If you find yourself in an emotional storm, try to stay present.

1. Do not enter the emotional drama. Do not react in kind.
2. Do not distance yourself emotionally or geographically. Stay present.
3. Do try to be kind. Be curious. Give the other person emotional space to work through his/her stuff while you thoughtfully consider your part in what just happened.
   • “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him” (Philippians 2:13).

References

Bowen, M., 1993, Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. Jason Aronson, Inc. Kindle Edition.
Gilbert, R., 2018, The Eight Concepts of Bowen Theory, Leading Systems Press. Kindle Edition.