| One of the first things Jesus did when he started His public ministry was to clarify the meaning of the rules in the Old Testament (Matt. 5-7). “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell (Mt. 5:21-22). “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matt. 5:27-28). Five times in Mattew 5, Jesus says, “This is how you understand the law, but our requirements are much higher…”. The Bible begins with the revolutionary thought that everyone is created in God’s image. Their neighbors in Egypt, Babylon, and Assyria often thought that their kings were the image of their gods, but only the Israelites believed that all people were created in God’s image. Remembering that all people are created in God’s image makes it easier to obey Jesus’ commands. But how do we genuinely love God and people? Assume for a minute that many extreme feelings are caused by unexplored anxiety. The Challenge of Anxiety Take Cain, for instance. What made him murderously angry at Abel? Or what about Joseph’s brothers? What made them mad enough at their brother to sell him into slavery? Does their anger at their brother seem reasonable from our perspective today? How could they have dealt with anxious feelings, if they had our perspective? Options There are four common ways that people deal with anxiety (Bowen, 1978). 1. Anger 2. Distance (emotional, geographical, or both) 3. Adapting (over or under-functioning) 4. Triangling (gossip). While the four options above are all useful in small doses, over time people often develop a favorite. People get triggered and overuse their favorite response, and they end up in big trouble. Imagine a Fifth Option. What if you could safely explore your anxiety with God? Rather than pretend your anxiety doesn’t exist, what if you brought it to the light? Sometimes this works better with a trusted friend. The emotional distance sometimes helps others have a better perspective of the way forward. For example, what if Cain or Joseph’s brothers had a trusted advisor? Maybe Cain could have realized he was actually mad at God. Maybe Joseph’s brothers could have realized they were upset about their father’s favoritism and talked to him about it. But what if the brothers talked to their dad about his irresponsible favoritism, and he got mad? This is the circle of life for Godly people. In an ideal world, Jacob could have reflected on conversations with his sons and considered the consequences of his favoritism. Jacob could have made some changes. And the brothers could have each learned to deal with their own issues by watching their dad. Even without their dad’s good example, they could have examined their anxiety and made better choices. Systems Thinking We cannot change others, but we can change ourselves. When we change, our people have to change to accommodate the new us. Imagine if you could learn to sit with your emotions to identify your favorite response. Maybe God could show you your triggers, and how to stop responding with anger, distance, adapting, or triangling. People around you will get uncomfortable. They will wonder what is wrong. They will react. Eventually, the system will improve. Then God will give you a bigger challenge. This is the circle of the Christian life. Leaders who get triggered cause pain. God is looking for trustworthy, untriggered people who He can trust with true authority. PS: Please don’t hear me say to keep trying even harder. I have gotten into trouble by trying my hardest. Relaxing, enjoying life, and slowing down to examine personal anxiety in God’s presence is a good starting place. From that place, God will give you the next step. God wants to bless the world through you, and the way forward often passes through unexpected territory. And the city has no need of the sun or of the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God has illumined it, and its lamp is the Lamb. The nations will walk by its light, and the kings of the earth will bring their glory into it (Rev. 21:23-24).ReferencesBowen, M. (1978). Family therapy and clinical practice. Jason Aaronson. Your thoughts? |
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