At our home in Marabá, we have a large glass window that often surprises the local wildlife. Recently, while walking through the kitchen, I heard two dull thuds. It was a pair of doves that had failed to see the glass. Occasionally, we hear louder bangs when a peregrine falcon mistakes its reflection for a rival. The falcon usually ends up stunned, resting under the window for an hour before flying off again. On rare occasions, if the window is open, the falcon swoops into our house, mistaking its reflection for an enemy. That’s when Deanna grabs a broom and chases it back outside. I can only imagine the falcon’s thoughts during these escapades.
As the birds crash into unseen barriers, we sometimes get painfully and shockingly blindsided by people we trust. This is a common human experience, often reflected in Christmas comedies where family members gather to celebrate but end up hurting each other instead. The closer the relationship, the more painful it is.
Early in Marabá, none of the 10-12 boys in the group could recall a single good Christmas memory. Eventually, one boy remembered playing marbles on the street with a friend on Christmas Day. I remember a child in Marabá telling us, “I dread Christmas because all the relatives come over. Things go fine at first, but it always ends in a big drunken fight, and then we don’t talk for months.” All the other kids could relate, as family get-togethers were intense and often ended poorly.
People we trust have increased power to hurt us, leading to a cycle of escalating reactions.
Predictable Reactive Responses
When we get blindsided, we often default to one of four automatic responses that we learned growing up:
- Anger
- Distance
- Adapting (over/under-functioning)
- Triangling (gossip or seeking other forms of relief)
These responses can be helpful in certain situations, but the issue arises when we rely too heavily on one and use it excessively. Jesus offers a better way.
“Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and look, the log is in your own eye?” (Mt. 7:4).
The Unexpected Gift – Awareness of a Log-eye
Getting blindsided is a gift from God that may help you pursue holiness. Your reactions may reveal a log-in-your-eye you didn’t notice, like running into a glass door. For God to endow you with His authority, He is concerned about helping you develop responsibly. Both you and God have the same goal. Thoughtful Christians can make the most of God’s divine gift of revealing our log-eyes, considering it more like a puzzle or a challenge to be resolved.
- Recognize when you’ve been offended or blindsided.
- Feel what’s happening in your body, noticing your natural tendency to gossip, over- or under-function, withdraw emotionally or physically, or lash out with anger.
- Practice a different response:
- If you usually resentfully do all the dishes, find a cheerful but firm way to get everyone to help.
- If you usually shut down emotionally, bravely state your opinion.
- If you usually react angrily, find a way to approach the situation from a new perspective.
- If you usually gossip, find a way to humbly talk directly to the person involved at an appropriate time without sharing with others.
Bonus Tip: Our automatic responses were learned in childhood. Reconnect with people from your past and intentionally work on changing your responses to increase your options for future social interactions. You’ll make the most progress addressing the “log in your eye” with those who helped shape it.
In Summary
Use the intensity of the Christmas season with its increased get-togethers and expectations to become unpredictable in a good way, as you, with your Servant Leader character development, learn to change your family or group culture in a good way. After all, everyone is watching.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Mt 5:14-16).
Question
What are your experiences with how to leverage the Christmas season to maximize your personal and family godliness?
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